Brownie Batter Butterflies
by Ebony-Ink-Stain
Summary: "S—Sasha?" Connie asked, his forehead crinkling as he stared at her. "Sasha…what did you do?" Sasha focused on everywhere but Connie. I...tried to bake brownies," she admitted. What happens when Sasha doesn't feel like she's fulfilling her duties as a girlfriend.


"I swear," Connie grumbled, "if I ever see one more snowflake again, I'm going to find a bear, stab it with a snow shovel, then hibernate in its fur." Trudging through the thick white abomination, he wondered why he agreed to stop by Sasha's after work. Connie could have seen Sasha's mischievous grin through the telephone, telling him she had a surprise for him. If there was anything Connie couldn't resist, it was a surprise…well, maybe he could have resisted when Sasha set up a date on a nudist beach, or the trip to the hospital after she tried giving him a haircut.

Maybe Connie could do without the surprises.

Still a promise was a promise, even when he grumbled as he came upon a large mound in front of Sasha's front porch.

"Who the crap piles snow in front of the door?" he complained. As Connie was about to take out his pent up rage on the unlucky snow mound, he shrieked as a hand punched through the snow. When the disembodied arm clenched his leg, he dove for the snow shovel on the porch.

Suddenly, Mikasa's head, clad in snowcap and goggles, poked out of the snow mound. She placed a finger on her lips, motioning for his silence. Her stone cold eyes stared Connie down as the snow devoured her, a motionless pile once more.

"What the—"

Before Connie could process the "snow mole of death", he heard a screech behind the door to Sasha's house. Groaning, Connie opened the door, expecting to hear the words "explosion" and "not the taters, precious!" all in the same sentence. (He should never have introduced Sasha to "Lord of the Rings")

He froze as soon as he stepped into the kitchen.

"Well," he said, surveying what must have been the damage of a vast nuclear chocolate bomb, "This was not what I was expecting."

Like a serial killer crime scene, chocolate splattered like blood all over the kitchen. What impressed Connie the most was the Rorschach brownie batter butterflies imprinted along the ceiling. Through all of the dessert disaster, Sasha, painted in dark chocolate and flour, looked like someone had just stolen the last loaf of French bread at the grocery store. No, he had seen her after the last loaf was gone. This was worse.

He had never seen her so dejected.

"S—Sasha?" Connie asked, his forehead crinkling as he stared at her. "Sasha…what did you do?" Sasha focused on everywhere but Connie.

"I….tried to bake brownies," she admitted, squirming in the goop. Sasha finally met his eyes, then grinned. "On the bright side, we know how to get kicked out of chem lab when necessary."

Connie snorted, then glanced around the kitchen and fell silent. Why in the world would Sasha try to make brownies? Was that the surprise? It was strange, since Sasha had no cooking skills. Shoot, the last thing she burned was a microwave bowl of ramen (after that, Mikasa banned her from the microwave for a week. That was around the same time she invented "Potluck Week"). Why in the world would she try to bake brownies? As she bit her lip, Sasha scratched her head and surveyed the mess.

"Probably should clean up. Mikasa will kill me if this stains."

"Speaking of which, what the crap is she doing out in the snow?"

"Paintball tournament next week."

Connie nodded. Made sense.

As Sasha began to clean up, Connie glanced around at the mess. Well, if she wanted brownies so badly…

"Did you use all of the ingredients?" Connie asked, cleaning out the bowl in the sink. Sasha shook her head, grabbing a pack of Mr. Clean erasers, two rolls of paper towels, and Levi's phone number.

"No. Why?" she asked, dialing Levi's number.

Connie shrugged. "I could…you know…make some if you wanted to…" Sasha stared at him. "You know, if you really wanted them. It's not like I'm less manly, or turning into Jean or anything like that…" He shot Sasha an unsure grin. If she really wanted those brownies, he would make them. Connie wanted to cheer her up, 'cause that was how he offered up his heart to her….or whatever crap Petra discovered from her counseling course. Either way, well, he wanted to make her happy.

Much to his surprise, Sasha seemed to grow more upset after he asked. "Yeah, sure…that's fine…if you want…" she mumbled, trailing off. Connie shot her a quizzical look.

"You don't want them?" he asked. "If you didn't want them, when why in the world did you try to-"

"Annie and Armin are dating," Sasha blurted, slamming her phone on the counter.

And that's how Armageddon started.

Or at least, that's how Connie's mind was blown to bits. "What?!"

"I know right?" Sasha rambled, "I mean, how in the world did the love child of Severus Snape and the Wicked Witch fall for Little Orphan Andy?"

"N-not that," Connie fumbled, his brain still translating the ridiculous revelation (and the absurd accuracy of her description). "I mean, what does that have to do with making brownies?!" Now he was totally lost.

Sasha, blinking rapidly, turned her focus to scrubbing the counter. Connie watched, unsure if he should start melting the butter or comfort Sasha. Wait, why did he need to comfort her in the first place? Connie's brain began to swirl as Sasha bumbled out an explanation.

"Well, all of the girls were having lunch today, and Mikasa asked Annie what she planned to give Armin for his birthday, and all of the girls started jumping in with all of these really cute ideas, like baking Armin his favorite cake or how Mikasa brought Eren tickets to a Scouts versus Titans game and how she awkwardly kissed him before the basketball slammed him in the face on the kiss cam, or how Historia knitted Reiner a sweater before they both went sledding and hit Marco who ended up in the hospital with half his face all scratched up and everyone can do these cute things to show affection and I can't even make you brownies for your birthday!" At this point Sasha unfurled the whole roll of paper towels and started wiping down the kitchen. Connie watched as Sasha scrambled to clean before Mikasa came thirsting for blood.

"…Sasha?"

"What?"

"….my birthday is next month," Connie corrected. Sasha dropped all of the paper towels, a mountain of desperate cleaning at her feet.

"Next month?" she whispered, staring at him as if he'd grown into a 12-meter cannibal. Connie nodded. Wordlessly, as if she had been transmuted into stone, Sasha plopped into the paper towel cushion behind her. Connie could swear she was blinking back tears, but Sasha didn't cry. His Sasha, who ate a habanero pepper on a 25 cent dare and barfed up all of her guts before 6th period, who drove his car into a ditch because she was playing slug bug and hit his arm so hard he lost control of the car, didn't cry. His Sasha, who laughed off every stupid joke about "potato girl" and "bread demon", didn't cry. But now, here she was, about to burst into tears over a stupid pan of brownies.

"Sasha, it's okay, it's just my birthday—"

"No!" she snapped, pounding the kitchen floor. Her voice broke slightly, just enough to drop Connie's heart to his stomach. Angry Sasha he could work with. Feed her and she was happy…but sad Sasha?

"It's not okay!" she whimpered, "I'm a terrible girlfriend. I can't even show you how much I love you without exploding a pan of freaking brownies. I can't do anything cute or girlfriendy. You'd probably be happier with Historia. Heck, even Annie could do this better than me!" This time, Sasha really did start to cry.

Eyes wide, Connie flopped onto the floor. "Is this what this is all about?" he asked softly, concernedly, stroking Sasha's hair. "Are you worried I don't know you love me?" Sasha shrugged and sobbed into the paper towels. "Are you worried I don't feel loved?" Once again, Sasha shrugged.

"Sash," he sighed, lying next to her. "Sash, I don't care about all that stuff. I know you love me." Connie tenderly caressed her cheek, brushing away the tears on her face. "I know you love me every time you let me steal your French fries, or duel me with bread loaf swords in the grocery store. Remember how we got kicked out of Shadis Market that way? That bald dude almost tossed us out by our heads!" Sasha giggled as Connie kissed her on the forehead. Relaxing, she turned toward him. There. There was his beautiful girl's smile.

"No one else would understand why I can't just play one round of Laser Tag, or why I make so many Deadpool references. I couldn't make fun of Jean with anyone else—"

"Then high tail it out of there when he catches us, right?"

"Right. Besides," he said, pulling her into his arms. "All of your plans turned out pretty good. Remember the nudist beach?" he asked, kissing her neck. Sasha snorted out a chuckle.

"Didn't we catch Prof. Zoe on the beach, then blackmail her into letting us pass Midterms?"

"Exactly! We wouldn't have passed Biology without it! Or remember when you buzzed my hair?" She snuggled up against his chest, smiling at his voice rumbling in his chest.

"The texts from Armin were priceless. He totally thought he had to help me hide your body." Sasha cuddled closer to Connie, fingers lazily tracing his spine. He groaned pleasurably, wrapping his arms around her. As he traced her lips with his tongue, Connie nipped her in the mouth, teasing her with his taste. She moaned, kissing him harder.

"Besides," Connie murmured, carding his fingers through her hair. "I think that the two of us together are pretty—"

"Filthy," Levi grumbled, surveying the mess. Connie screeched and jumped 10 feet into the air. Sasha giggled.

"This whole place is filthy, you hoes," Levi snapped disgustedly. "You both need to leave so I can get this whorehouse cleaned up."

Connie opened his mouth to retort, but Sasha gently tapped her finger upon his lips. "Come on," she said, smirking, "Let's go build a snow fort and massacre Mikasa and Eren." Her eyebrows waggled in impish glee. His Sasha was back.

This was his girl. The Black Widow to his Hawkeye. The Zoe to his Wash. The broth to his ramen noodles. She was his partner in crime, pranking everyone in sight. This was the girl he could walk into a subway in his underwear with. This was the girl who would dare him to eat a five pound burrito, and then finish it. He loved her.

"You coming?"

Her voice knocked him out of his thoughts. He grinned at her, then dashed out the door. She shrieked, throwing on her coat as he dashed out the door. Connie wouldn't remember the rest of the night. Not designing their fortress like a New York architect, or constructing the sculpture. He wouldn't remember flinging snowballs at Mikasa, only to realize that there was a rock in one of them. Connie wouldn't remember being buried after Mikasa slung a rock at the roof, causing the rooftop of snow to collapse upon him and the fort. He wouldn't remember Sasha's desperate screams as she sat on top of him, trying to dig him out. He wouldn't remember the ambulance ride where they hit Levi's segway and he fell out of the ambulance. No, the rest of the night would be a blank chalkboard.

But she was totally worth it.

Totally, totally worth it.


End file.
